


Next To You

by Estrea



Category: Hello! Project, Morning Musume.
Genre: F/F, One-Sided Relationship, Unrequited Love, Wedding blues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 20:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6872467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrea/pseuds/Estrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The love of my life is getting married, and the groom isn't me.  </p>
<p>Angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Next To You

"You look good in that."

A pair of bright eyes turn to look up at me. I smile back as I carefully smooth a few stray strands of hair into place and step back, taking in the full view through the mirror facing us.

"Thank you, Haruna."

She looks lovely today. She always looked great, but she looks even better than usual today. How did that saying go again?

 

 

_No woman looks more beautiful than on her wedding day._   


I roll my eyes at her thanks.

"What else is a bridesmaid for? Do you need water?"  

She laughs and nods. I grin back and turn away, walking out of the waiting room in my elegant light blue bridesmaid dress.

As the door closes behind me, the smile on my face freezes into a glassy imitation of its former brilliance. I should really win an Oscar for this.

Oh hello, I don't think I've introduced myself yet. My name is Ogata Haruna, age 25, and today is my best friend's wedding day. I'm so happy I could cry.

Don't get me wrong. I love my best friend and am happy for her. I only ever wanted her to smile and be happy. I wanted to be the one she smiled for...but now her smiles are for someone else.

But that's alright. If Miki is happy, Haruna will be happy for her too. It's enough for me to always be by her side, to drag her out when she's being all lone wolf-y and antisocial. I'm good at breaking the ice! That's my job, when Miki is too shy. When she's uncomfortable, I just say and do ridiculous things to redirect the atmosphere. I make people laugh, when all I wanted to see was her smile.

I like it, when I'm the first person she thinks of when she sees something interesting. When I'm the first person she calls when she wants to go somewhere new.

When she's angry or sad, and doesn't want anyone to see, I'm alright with not looking even as she lays in my arms. If she doesn't want to talk, I won't force her to. I would never ask anything of her that she wasn't willing to give. And if there was ever an awkward moment after, I could always shatter it with an appropriately ill-timed comment.

Seeing her stare disbelievingly at me, before bursting out laughing - that made up for all the anxiety I might have felt over her pain.

 

 

_"Thank you Haruna, you're the best friend I could ask for."_   


How many times have I heard that over the years? Too many times to count. I breathe out deeply, half convinced that I could see my breath mist in front of me (of course it wouldn't, it's not that cold). I felt cold though, deep into my bones.

I should get that water for her. Mustering up my most cheerful expression, I make my way to the drinks.

I see one of my fellow bridesmaids there. What is she doing here anyway shouldn't she be back in the waiting room waiting on the bride like I have been? I elbow the taller girl as I step up next to her. Goodness, I remember when she was practically half my size. How times have changed.

"What are you doing out here?"

Should she really be asking me that how dare she I feel offended already.

"Water." I reply meaningfully as I fill a plastic cup from the cooler. "Shouldn't you be in there too, Akanechin?"

The younger but taller girl arches an eyebrow at me. She has since lost the baby fat on her face, the same baby fat I used to pinch back when we were in school together. I sometimes think she still holds a grudge over that even now. Petty kid.

"Water." She flings my own words back at me, waving a cup of something that was decidedly not water. I narrow my eyes at her, but decide I really wasn't in a position to criticise her choice of beverage. She's old enough to drink anyway.

"Where's Maria anyway?" I look around for the last person of our clique.

"Probably at the front smiling at everyone and robbing them blind."

Snarky brat. Wedding gifts are not extortion. If anything, weddings always operated at a loss. 

 

"Ogata Haruna."

 

 

Akane is looking directly at me now, one eyebrow raised in challenge. She is very uncute when she does this. Return me my innocent baby! I howl internally to no avail.

 

 

"Why are you still wasting time here with me? Don't you have something more important to do?"

 

 

This child. I feel an unnameable pressure from her black gaze. How did she go from that cute little girl to this....demon in disguise? How does Maria live with this and not lose that megawatt smile? I grin weakly at her statement.

 

 

"It's just water..."

 

 

Akane shakes her head, rolling her eyes at me in disdain before turning away.

 

 

"Coward."

 

 

I glare at the back of her head, sticking my tongue out at her. I pick up the cups, one for me and one for Miki, and turn to leave as well.

 

 

"You're going to regret it, you know."

 

 

Akane's voice was soft, but I still heard it as if she had whispered it into my ear. I pause midstep, head down as I stare at my feet.

 

 

"It's already too late."

 

 

She snorts loudly behind me, a decidedly disgraceful sound. I shrug, ready to move on, but was interrupted again before I even made another two steps.

 

 

"I'll keep Maria busy for a while longer. We'll see you before the festivities."

 

 

I knew what she was doing, and appreciated it. 

 

 

"Thank you."

 

 

Akane laughs softly, sending me off with a wave. I smile quietly as I walk back to the waiting room. With friends like this, what more could I ask for?

 

 

"I'm back."

 

 

Miki turns to me with a dazzling smile. "Welcome back."

 

 

"Here." I hand her the cup, cocking my head as she took it. "Nervous?"

 

 

"A little." She admits, sipping carefully at the cup.

 

 

"Try not to trip later." I deadpan, and she hits me lightly on the arm, laughing.

 

 

"I'll catch you before you do." I burst out impulsively. Her eyes trace up from my arm to my face, a warm look in those twin orbs.

 

 

"I know you will."

 

 

I want to say more, but the words get stuck in my throat.  _I'll always be there for you? I'll always be by your side?_  


 

 

I feel like I lack the right to say those words out loud, especially right now.

 

 

I bite the words back, retreating into myself as I bow my head. It was always like this. I hover at the edge of telling her how I truly feel, always cutting myself off before I get to the point. Akane was right, I am very cowardly.

 

 

But what else was I supposed to do? Miki is my best friend, I never want her to be upset or uneasy. I don't want to burden her with my feelings. We have been best friends for so long that when I realized my own feelings had changed, it had given me a shock as well. I didn't  _want_ anything to change. I just wanted to be the Haachin to her Chelsea - back in school, they called us HaaChel as a joke, since we were always together. Never saw one without the other, they said.

 

 

It was always me tagging along behind her at first, then by her side. Miki didn't warm up to others quickly, and I liked making friends with all my classmates, so I was the one to approach her first. It had taken a while before she got used to me, but we only really became friends after I rescued her from a bird. Yes, dear Miki is terrified of avian creatures. Feathered fiends, she would call them, even as she cowered behind my not-very-broad back.

 

 

It felt nice to protect her. I wasn't very reliable, but I felt like I could be reliable for her. I wanted to be reliable for her. Was that where my feelings started to slowly change? I don't know. I really don't.

 

 

And now it's all too late. I couldn't possibly say anything at this stage. Miki is going to get married, and the groom isn't me.

 

 

Regrets? Only too many. I had hesitated too many times over the years, too scared of crossing that line from friends to lovers. But at least if I were still her friend, I could stay by her side forever, right?

 

 

Even if it tears me apart to see her smile at others, to see her in someone else's arms, to see her getting married to another...

 

 

I thought I could be that strong. I'm not so sure right now.

 

 

"I hope you'll be happy." I blurt out, then resisted the urge to punch myself in the face. Who ever says things like that? Especially now? I wanted to facepalm so badly right now.

 

 

"Haruna?"

 

 

Miki's voice was uncertain, even a little wary. I shudder almost invisibly, balling my hands into fists.

 

 

"I...I'll go look for Maria and Akane." 

 

 

Excuse and exit. I ran, like I always do. I couldn't deal with it, not like this.

 

 

It is Maria who finds me this time, hiding in a corner away from everyone. A ball of positive energy, age and experience did little to dull her innate warmth, but managed to curb her puppy-like excitability to reasonable levels. She squats down next to me, heedless of crinkling her dress. We were always pals, and times like these we never needed words to communicate.

 

 

"Akane says we should be gathered in ten." Maria finally says after some time.

 

 

"Ok."

 

 

She hands me a tissue wordlessly. I accept it just as wordlessly, and blow my nose as quietly as I could.

 

 

"Hold still for a bit."

 

 

I do as told, and Maria quickly fixes my makeup for me. I manage a smile after her hands leave my face.

 

 

"Thanks."

 

 

Maria grins, and it's like the sun coming up.

 

 

"We'll hit the club after this is over, yeah?"

 

 

She holds out a fist, and I bump it in return, grinning back.

 

 

It's not the end of the world. I'll keep until the wedding is over. After that, who knows?

 

 

As long as she is happy, I'll be happy for her. That is all I can do.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I used the wedding trope on HaaChel. I'm sorry---not. XD


End file.
